When I went to college in The Netherlands, I arrived with a cohort of other internationals. Learning Dutch was on everyone’s list: If you weren’t taking Dutch lessons, it was because the class was already full.
Years later, almost everyone has left that town—and most have left The Netherlands. Few ever became fluent in Dutch. Out of the hundreds of internationals I met, most never spoke more Dutch than dank je wel (thank you) and alsjeblieft (please). If I had to guess, two dozen or so speak the language now.
I’m one of those few. I do have a talent for languages, but the reason I was one of the few didn’t come down to motivation, talent or anything else.
I simply didn’t make what I call the Path Dependency Error. This error assumes a path from the default state (can’t speak Dutch) to the end state (speak Dutch).
It assumes you’ll take Dutch classes until you become comfortable speaking, then you’ll speak Dutch in everyday life.
I haven’t met a single person for whom this worked. That’s because the Path Dependency Error assumes there is a series of steps:
- Get instruction
- Improve at skill
- Become comfortable enough to perform skill
Everyone who eventually spoke good Dutch didn’t make that error. They joined clubs, sports teams and associations. They ordered in Dutch at restaurants, made Dutch friends, did their best.
Don’t get me wrong: They didn’t do any of that in good Dutch. I personally joined a rowing club. Barely understanding anything, I felt isolated often and made more mistakes than I can count.
But I became fluent. That’s because people I know the counterpoint to the Path Dependence Error:
You don’t learn, then speak. You learn by speaking.
This isn’t limited to learning Dutch or languages.
I recently met a graphic designer who dreamed of being a freelancer. When I asked why she thought she couldn’t, she told me she just needed a master’s to feel comfortable going freelance.
Sadly, these stories usually continue that way:
“Just a few years as a junior, then I’ll be ready.”
“I need more mentoring before I can get started.”
This, again, is the Path Dependence Error: I’ll get to a point where I feel ready, we lie to ourselves. Just one more degree, online course or coaching session.
When we commit the Path Dependence Error, we deprive ourselves of possibility. We hold back from what we truly want—learning a language, starting a business, committing to a relationship.
Fixing this error requires a few steps:
- Admitting the lie: I’ll be brutally honest. When we tell ourselves we’ll eventually feel ready, we lie to ourselves to maintain self-worth. The truth is that we’re afraid of failure, judgment and embarrassment. It’s more pleasant to pretend we’ll eventually learn that language than to admit we’re too afraid to do it.
- Accepting the fear: Denying an emotion makes it pop up elsewhere. Even if we suppress it, we can’t defeat it. Accept you’re afraid and you create a space to act.
- Take imperfect action: Once you’ve accepted your fear, take action. It won’t be, can’t be, perfect. But you’ll have gotten started.
- Learn from mistakes: Because you’re operating in the real world, you’ll get feedback. Some things will work, others won’t. Some lessons will be explicit, other implicit.
That’s the recipe to improving at almost anything, especially if you’re afraid. The funniest part happens at the end though: You’ll learn we’re all just making it up as we go along
The graphic designer who’s afraid of going freelance probably doesn’t know how many bad graphic designers have gone freelance. The middle manager who thinks she’s not ready for leadership probably doesn’t know how many leaders have no idea what they’re doing. And the reluctant Dutch student probably has no idea how much the locals appreciate the rare person who learns their language.