Fear gives bad advice, says Matt Mochary. Whatever we do (or don’t do) out of fear, we regret.
Fear is a normal human emotion which pulls us away from what might harm us. That served us in evolution, but we rarely have to worry about panthers in bushes anymore. Fear has found a different target.
Fear still protects us from harm. But the consequences it now protects us from are mostly emotional—shame, embarrassment and low status. Makes sense, these feelings hurt.
But avoiding them has a cost in the modern world. The things which could make us feel embarrassed, ashamed or low-status could usually have the opposite outcome.
You might embarrass yourself by asking someone out, but you might also meet your soulmate.
You could be lower status for quitting at Google to launch your startup, but you could also become a multi-millionaire.
Almost nothing you do is deterministic—almost everything has probabilities.
Sure, there is a probability asking someone out will result in huge public embarrassment. There’s also a small chance you’ll meet your soulmate. But it’s almost guaranteed you’ll feel proud for having expressed your feelings.
Fear warps your perception. It makes the small chance of embarrassment tower over more likely and better outcomes. Better not to do it, fear whispers, because it could go wrong.
We’d do well to realize that the consequences fear protects us from are temporary pains. Even the worst embarrassment fizzles after a good night’s sleep and a morning run.
But knowing this doesn’t quell fear. In fact, fear never vanishes. There are stories of tough MMA fighters throwing up before bouts because they’re so afraid. But spectators only see them burst out into the spotlight and conquer their opponent.
We need to learn to dance with fear, accept that it’s there—and then do it anyway. The people doing what you’re too afraid to probably feel the same fear—and then do it anyway.